Insecurities that lead to apologies

I go through these cycles/phases in my life where I hyper-focus on certain ideas, thoughts, or decisions. I am currently focused on the idea of insecurities that lead to apologies- I have noticed this cycle in my life, over the course of my entire life, actually, where I move to a dark place of insecurity then I apologize over and over for everything which leads me into more insecurity. It’s a vicious circle.

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I was apologizing to people who meant nothing to me, I was apologizing for my past mistakes and I was apologizing for my successes! Yes, even my successes!! I would apologize for not picking something and instead focusing on what I felt I needed to be focusing on and, in turn, I would apologize for not being able to juggle both my current success and the projects or people that were moved on to the back burner. Talk about feeling robbed of the enjoyment of my hard work!

I also found myself really impacted by those around me and their thoughts of me. I felt that I had to apologize for not taking their advice, apologize for living life the way I needed to live it based on my situation at the time, and most of all I had to apologize for being a human being that straight up has made some shitty decisions- shitty decisions that lead me to amazing places.

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I made a conscious decision a few weeks ago to work really hard at not apologizing. When I need to say “NO” I say No without an apology attached to it. Let me just say, that is hard to do! However, once I started doing it I felt better about myself. I felt more confidence and I felt like I had ownership of my choices and statements.

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I am not saying that apologizing is something that should never be done. Quite to the contrary, I am a believer in saying sorry when it is necessary. After becoming more aware of the times I was saying sorry when not necessary it made the apologies that I did need to give more meaningful.

Tying this back to the insecurities… I feel like my insecurities and the pressure to be better and compete with those around me has been a huge issue in my life. I have always felt the pressure to be the person that was the best, smartest, right (all the time), and have endless energy and creativity… and never make a mistake. That kind of pressure and fear of failing is what fed my insecurities and would lead to the apologies. I am growing each and every day and learning a little more about life and I am coming to terms with finding happiness in not being the best at everything. Humility goes so much further then I ever thought it would and it makes you a more enjoyable person. That is what I want- I want to be make it while being a friendly, humble, and loving person and I want the same for those around me… because at the end of the day we all deserve to celebrate our successes, apology free.

Have you ever experienced something like this? How did you address it?

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Craigslist finds: Sacramento

I love Craigslist for finding gems that people don’t realize are worth money! It’s like winning the lottery! Since I am transplanting to Sacramento and I am moving with almost nothing I thought it might be fun to see what little treasures I can come across. Here are a few finds that I think are worth taking a look at!

Craigslist Find: Sacramento

Check out this lovely little bar table/cabinet! The price is a bit steep at $225 but it is a great vintage 1960’s piece. Who is ready for a cocktail?

Craigslist Find: Sacramento

 I found this beauty priced at $500. It could probably use new upholstery but the lines and tufting are so much fun. I don’t believe I have ever seen this style of sofa in sectional form. I would put the price tag of reupholstering with tufts at over $2,500 but I could see something fresh like the sofa below…

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or how about funky with the Pantone Color of the year, Radiant Orchid!? In Velvet!!

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How about this Lehigh-Leopold Office Desk? It has great bones and looks to be in decent condition. I love the symmetry and the brass capped legs.

Craigslist Find: Sacramento

I found this similar desk on Etsy for $350. So, I would say the above desk is a steal!

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And now for the FREE piece!!

Craigslist Find: Sacramento

 I would totally snag that chair for the low low price of free!

Where do you search for bargains in your area?

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Female Friendships

Hello everyone! A few weeks I posted about an experience I had with workplace bullying and it has had me thinking ever since about female friendships, women bashing on other women, and what I want my daughter to learn about her self-esteem and the friends she is blessed with.

I grew up with a very nomadic childhood and that has had a huge affect with how I have learned to make friends. The fact is, I have never been great at making friends and there is something a very painful about that. Because I haven’t always had the easiest time making friends I have spent a lot of time observing other’s relationships and I have have become very sensitive to this topic in particular. Women love bashing other women. I have been guilty of it, we all have…. but why?? Why do associate a woman who is wearing a mini shirt and high heels as being a “slut” or a women who is really thin as looking “sick” and “in need of a meal” or a woman who is above a certain size as “needing to go on a diet?” Why do we, as normal everyday women, point out the imperfections of other women? We do it to those we know, most of the time behind their back… and we always insert our opinions about those we don’t know as if they are just faceless people with no meaning.

It seems so ingrained in the female culture that it is widely accepted as everyday banter. This really got me thinking about the message that this sends to my 4 year old daughter. My little, innocent, 4 year old daughter has already made comments about not looking pretty enough, needing to wear “lipstick” which is actually chapstick and I have seen so many signs of insecurity in her that breaks my heart. I don’t feel like I have said anything in front of her that would prompt her to think these things about herself but I know that in the culture we live in she has been exposed to this level of self-hate and female-on-female hate from those we come into contact with. The women in the fitting rooms make comments about looking “fat” in the items they are trying on, the women in line at the coffee shops rejects the pastry because she “needs to watch her weight” and Ariel (the Little Mermaid, a movie she recently watched and will never watch again…) is told by the mean Sea Witch that she must rely only on her looks to seduce the man of her dreams because “she” is not enough. It was like a semi-truck hit me, this is what my daughter is exposed to on a daily basis.

Female Friendships: what I want to teach my daughter.

So, this is the battle: Trying to figure out how to teach my daughter to love herself and at the same time surround herself with other girls who also love themselves. I want to teach my daughter about building an identity that isn’t rooted in gossip, judgement, and hate while also learning how to have strong female relationships that are rooted in building other women up on the foundation of respect and love.

In the handful of friends that I have made I have learned a lot about what strong female friendships look like and even more about what investing in another person and their life looks like. I haven’t always been the best at it but I have come a long way.

In a few short months I will be moving away from the ladies who have been my rocks over the last 7-26 years. Who have supported me, loved me, held me, and prayed for me. My daughter will also be losing her handful of friends that she has grown up with and had many of her early experiences with. This is going to be a learning experience about moving to a completely foreign city and making friends from scratch and I am blessed that I have been given amazing examples of what a successful female friendship looks like. To my lovely friends, thank you for not gossiping about me, thank you for pulling me out of my bouts of self-hate and doubt, thank you for standing up for me, thank you for your honesty and understanding, thank you for late night cocktails/wine while I cried like a baby, and lastly thank you for being my friend and allowing me to do the same for you!

Heather, Sarah, and Amber. I love you ladies.

Annabella, Evelyn, and Lexi- Adyison loves you.

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get the look | layered rugs

Has anyone else fallen for the trend of layering rugs? I have seen images over the last few months and filed it away in the back of my mind but when I logged onto One King’s Lane this morning I was reminded of it. They are having a rug sale and styled the lovely image below and I fell in love with the idea all over again!

Layered Rug Inspiration on DoWhatYouHeart.wordpress.com

I am a sucker for the preppy pink and navy rug placed on top of the jute rug. I think the fringe on the rug adds a layer of texture. (The navy and pink rug is sold out but you can be added to a list if they decide to add inventory!)

Here are a few examples of interiors that use this trend!

Layered Rug Inspiration on DoWhatYouHeart.wordpress.com

In this image a cowhide was used to add a different shape and texture to the space. West Elm has a cow hide priced at $550! That is a great price for a piece that can be added to almost any space.

Layered Rug Inspiration on DoWhatYouHeart.wordpress.com

Anyone who owns a jute rug knows that they will stand the test of time but they are not kind on the feet. I love the look and texture of jute but it isn’t something that you would associate with being cozy. That is why I love the idea of layering another rug on it to add a layer of softness.

Layered Rug Inspiration on DoWhatYouHeart.wordpress.com

I also can’t help but wonder if a more durable rug placed under a delicate one will help keep the rugs integrity and increase the lifetime of both pieces. When a jute rug sits on a wood floor for a few months it can get really dusty under there. Maybe by layering a heavier textured rug will protect the move delicate one on top from excessive dust? Do any of you lovely readers know more about this? Am I onto something here?

Layered Rug Inspiration on DoWhatYouHeart.wordpress.com

I am in love with the room above and you can get a similar look by combining this Kiara rug from Anthropologie with a jute rug from West Elm.

Lastly, I have really been into this black+white pattern on pattern lately. I stumbled upon these two rugs while researching and I can’t help but imagine how great the combo would look in a bedroom or office!

Layered Rug Inspiration on DoWhatYouHeart.wordpress.com

The black and white stripped rug can be found here and the white polka dot rug can be found here.

What do you think about layering rugs? Are you a fan of the trend?

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Bullying: 5 things I have learned

I have spent the last 15 months really focused on improving my life, making heart changes, and focusing on becoming the person that I would want to call my best friend… I am getting close :)

Last year, I left a very toxic job at a start-up company because of work place bullying that wasn’t only happening to me but was also happening to some of my coworkers. I wouldn’t say this company was a bad company but there were many instances where the gossip was so bad across the board that I hated my life for a good 3 months straight. I finally had to quit for my own sanity and because I felt that there were some serious moral issues being pushed under the rug.

I left and went 100% full force into my business. I took it from nothing to a business that turned a profit and sustained me. I learned a few things…

1. What someone whispers about you is really just a screaming reflection of their character. Their insecurities flow from their mouth in mumbles.

2. Toxicity is toxicity and unless you remove those people from your life they will find anyway to break you down. Be the bigger person and move on.

3. Surround yourself with people who are the strength to your weakness and lift you up daily.

4. Take vacations often. Life can get so compounded sometimes that it’s hard to wake up everyday carrying the weight of your personal life on your shoulders. People pick up on that so easily and hurt you with it. Take a break and some deep breaths.

and lastly,

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I came across something a few days ago that was said by one of my former coworkers that was a very recent dig at me. (the joys of having mutual friends on social media) I couldn’t believe that 15 months later this person was still trying to bully me.

To that person, I forgive you for all of the times you made rude comments in my direction, I forgive you for all of the times that I left work in tears, and I forgive you for making my life so unbearable that I felt forced to quit my job.

I hope you can find a productive focus in your life and that your heart will be healed and happy so you can also refocus your energy on improving your own life. Life’s short and words hurt. Be the example you would want your daughter to see.

Best,

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Balance

Okay, my faithful followers… I have a major question.

How does one find balance?

I struggle with this to the point that I often feel like I can’t seem to get on track with my own life. Do any of you have tips? I am sure I am not the only one dealing with this.

Between juggling being a single mom, trying to have a boyfriend that I do not completely ignore, keeping my friendships in tact, running a business, getting ready for a big move to a different state, and trying to finish up my degree I can’t seem to get things in order. I am always dropping things or people off of my list because I can not handle all of it. I have this overwhelming sense of guilt.

Do any of you have any suggestions on how to find some balance in life?

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I think my first step is to not worry and to focus. I am unsure of anything past that.

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Fast-forward

… and now it’s November!!

Seriously, where does the time go!?! I have been on the move for the last month and a half and when I start getting really really busy I {always} forget to blog!! Which is a downer for me because it is one of my more favorite things to do!

A little update about what I have been up to:

The last week of September I finished up my last wedding for the 2013 season. I had a jam-packed year and I was able to work with so many beautiful couples! It has been such a blessing!

The first week of October I took a trip to Sacramento to scout out my new neighborhood because I will be transplanting early next Spring. Yes, you read that right. I am no longer going to be a Seattle Wedding Planner :”( I was offered a fun and exciting new opportunity and I will be moving to California in a few months. I will continue to blog but my blog will be less focused on weddings and more on lifestyle, cooking, and what transplanting looks like!! A major part of my trip was making sure I have access to good coffee… and I do!! Temple Coffee will now be my new hang out.

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Mid-October was filled with pumpkin patches, fall festivities, and photo shoot prep! This is a photo of my younger sister and I at our favorite pumpkin patch!

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Here is a photo of my beautiful daughter painting her pumpkin!

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Mid-October I worked with Cassandra LaValle over at Coco+Kelley on a Gotham City Tablescape. I took care of the DIY costumes and you can read more about her tabletop design here and the actual costumes are located here. It was so much fun! I love being around her, she is such a creative and happy person!!

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… and of course, the last week of October was full of costume parties and trick-or-treating!!

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Since I had Gotham on the brain I decided to go as Catwoman. My best friend went decked out in 1950’s garb and it was one of my favorite costumes I have seen on her!! I excited for this crazy busy month to be over with and I am looking forward to a laid-back November!

If you are not following me on Instagram you can here!

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